Under Starry Skies We Are Lost
by TheSyndra
Summary: Anna's a very responsible drunk. Her chin is scraped up and her wrist is killing her and there's a motionless body beneath her, but she's responsible. It doesn't matter if her face is numb and she feels like she'll throw up at any minute. She can fix this. [Mau, ElsAnna, Accidental Soul Bonding, Smut].
1. Chapter 1

**Warnings:** [Usual eventual smut warnings, you know].

* * *

Before anything else happens, Anna would like to make it clear that she is a very responsible drunk. She's never been in any sort of freak accidents or blackout comas and she makes sure she rides her bike to the bar when she's drinking instead of driving her car. It'd probably be safer to walk, but her apartment's more than five blocks away and she prefers the way the cool night air hits her warm, drunk cheeks when she's on her bike.

And, honestly, people wouldn't always say 'it's just like riding a bike' if riding a bike was something you forgot how to do just by being intoxicated.

So it's safe to assume Anna never expected this situation. She was just peacefully - and a bit drunkenly, she'll admit - making her way home on her bike, except clearly that was a mistake because she cut across the street like an idiot just as some girl (that she didn't see there, _honestly_ ) was crossing, and –

"Hey, are you alive?" she asks. Shit, the girl doesn't even look like she's breathing.

Anna lifts the girl's hand from the ground to check for movement. She'd lift her head but it hit the ground sort of hard and Anna's a little afraid of how her face might look. She's sure seeing blood or disfigurement would scar her even if her vision's a little blurry because she's drunk and was just in a major collision. Also, maybe, it's a little blurry from the fact that her heart's beating out of her chest because she possibly just killed a girl, but this is probably _adrenaline_ , and blurry vision is a little counterproductive to its whole mission of making you more aware.

"If you're alive, just like, grunt or something," she tries.

Anna's a very responsible drunk. Her chin is scraped up, her wrist is killing her and there's a motionless body beneath her, but she's _responsible_. It doesn't matter if her face is numb and she feels like she'll throw up at any minute. She knows she can fix this. She just needs to figure out if this girl's alive. It's really all she can focus on, all she can think about, the only thought swirling through her hazy mind -

And then _something_ happens. It's really the only way she can describe it.

There's a rush of warmth that spreads over Anna, like the first tequila shot of the night feels, except without the burn that comes after and the awful taste. This feeling is pleasant and nice, like being high maybe, but Anna doesn't do drugs. Not since that one time. Anyway, she feels warm and happy and then a split second later all her worry goes away because she knows the girl is alive. She can _feel_ it, right down to her bones. She's drunk enough not to be worried about what that means, but sober enough to dial 9-1-1 and wait for the ambulance.

x

When Anna wakes up she's afraid and she doesn't know where she is. It's just a little weird because she's actually not afraid and she knows she's in the hospital from her biking accident last night.

It takes a few seconds for her mind to completely wake up, process everything going on with her body. This hospital room is making her feel claustrophobic and the bruise on her arm is killing her, but when Anna looks there's no bruise on her arm and she's not very claustrophobic. At first it doesn't make any sense why she's feeling these things, and then she realizes _it must not be her own thoughts she's feeling_.

Which is an absolutely ridiculous thought, because that only makes sense if… _oh no_.

Her first instinct is to try to think comforting thoughts so the ones currently flooding her head will calm down, her second instinct is to go over every second of last night as carefully as possible in her head, and then her third instinct is to promptly freak out because _jesus fucking christ_ she must have bonded to an unconscious girl and that is illegal in at last fifteen different ways. Especially considering there was just that big force-bonding special on television where SWAT teams raided houses and rescued women from bond trafficking.

Anna's going to get arrested and this girl she doesn't know the name of is going to need years of bond-blocking therapy, which only has a sixty-two percent chance of working. Even then the bond can never be _completely_ blocked, because the only way to sever a bond is if one of the people actually _dies_.

Anna shoves her face in her hands. She really fucked up this time. Really, super, royally, spectacularly fucked up.

This is like ten times worse than that time she almost bonded to Hans. Anna didn't think it could actually get worse than that, but somehow she managed to out-do herself.

"Is everything okay?" someone asks, and Anna jumps because she wasn't aware anyone came into the room.

She's scared the cops have already come for her, but when she looks up it's only a nurse.

"Your bondmate's in the next room," the nurse says, like she's trying to address Anna's alarm.

It's weird because that's only something someone would do if this bond was completely normal and her and this girl just had a routine drunken biking accident. This is either a trap, or the girl hasn't alerted the proper authorities yet.

"She's a little shaken up, but otherwise fine," The nurse continues, "you shouldn't be too worried." Once she's at Anna's bedside her eyes narrow and she tilts her head. Anna tenses and swallows but, surprisingly, the nurse smiles. "New bond, yeah?"

That's an understatement. "How'd you know?" Anna asks, her voice raspier than she expected.

Her throat feels like a desert, so she goes to ask for water, but the nurse offers her some before she can even say anything. Maybe she's one of those mind-reading psychics. Anna needs to block her thoughts so she doesn't suspect criminal activity.

Then the nurse holds up her hand, which has a pretty blue and black ring on her bond finger. "Been bonded eight years now. You start to be able to spot new bonds." She points to the hand Anna has rested on her own arm. "You keep touching a spot that you didn't hurt. It can be hard in the beginning. Having someone else in your head is a little disorienting, especially sorting through all the thoughts and feelings. You get used to it, though."

Anna moves her hand off her arm and tries to focus hard on only her thoughts and feelings. "Do you ever regret bonding?" she asks. The nurse frowns, her eyes filled with an alarming amount of concern, and Anna feels the need to clarify, "I don't - don't regret it, just. Was wondering if that's a thing."

"I don't think you'll regret it in the end. The beginning is just a bit scary." Her tone is soft and caring, spreading over Anna's rattled nerves like honey. "Don't let the newness frighten you. Explore your bond, alright? I have to check on a few other patients, but let me know if you need anything."

The moment she's gone Anna feels fucked all over again. If this were a normal bond maybe she'd feel comforted, but this is nothing close to being normal.

Although, she has to admit, as far as being in someone's head goes, Elsa's is quite nice. Other than the initial flood of emotions from her, her thoughts have been logical and organized and when she feels anything she feels it fully and purely so Anna knows exactly what's going on. It's only been a little over ten minutes but Anna feels like she's starting to know her already. And - _Oh_.

Her name is Elsa. Anna must have known it all along.

Being in Anna's head has to be the hard part. Anna's always had the attention span of a squirrel and even on the best of days she can't decide exactly what she's feeling. Like sometimes she doesn't know if she's excited or just gassy, but she runs with it either way. But she's had twenty years to warm up to her mind and Elsa's having all of this forced on her in a matter of minutes.

Anna's halfway to burying her face in her hospital gown when her door opens again and... this time it's Elsa. She can't quite explain how she knows it's her, but it's almost like everything between them is intensifying. Elsa nearly trips into the room, and Anna grins until she realizes that her and Elsa are alone. In her hospital room. Alone.

"What are you doing in here?" Anna blurts, hastily grabbing her cover to pull it up over herself. She crumples the edges in her hands and holds it like a security blanket. "You have to go now; this isn't good for you."

Elsa raises an eyebrow, leaning against the door frame. She looks gorgeous, all long and lean, legs that go on forever even in her hospital pants, and cute. Super cute. Anna wants to kiss every little scrape on her cheek, and the bruise on her eye, and most importantly her lips. Elsa _blushes_ , right before Anna realizes _she can hear everything_ because they're basically sharing a head now.

Anna swallows, and tries to stay focused on the situation at hand. "The TV special said too much contact makes separation harder." Elsa doesn't budge. She probably just wants to stick around because she thinks Anna might escape before the cops come. Anna could just purposely read her mind, but that feels invasive even though they're bonded. Not to mention, she's not quite sure how to go about doing that just yet. "Have you alerted the authorities?"

Elsa shuffles, gazing downwards. Her lips are pale pink and pouty, and Anna watches as she bites down on her bottom lip, straight teeth tugging at plush skin. She clears her throat delicately and says, "It wasn't you."

That both surprises and confuses Anna because it wasn't what she expected and she has no idea what it means.

"It wasn't me what?" That wasn't even English. Anna sighs. "What wasn't me?"

Elsa shrugs. "The bond. It was me." Anna should probably focus on the fact that this means _she_ was maybe force-bonded, but Elsa's admission makes something warm settle over her skin. "No one was forced," Elsa huffs. "I just - I felt you reaching for me in my head, so I reached back."

"But you knew that meant we'd bond?" Anna asks, more curious than she is upset. "Who bonds with a complete stranger?"

Anna knows the question is a bad one the moment she asks. It's weird having a conversation with someone she's completely in tune with, makes her super aware of over-stepping.

Elsa sighs dramatically. She's like a sad kitten with floppy bangs and big piercing eyes, the worst combination in the world for Anna's fluttering heart. It's bad enough she woke up worrying about being arrested, but now she has to navigate being upset with someone she, quite frankly, would have bonded with in a heartbeat. But this whole thing is a shit-show and her consent was not taken into consideration for this bond, so it doesn't matter how Elsa looks. Force-bonding is force-bonding, and it should be taken seriously.

"What is with your crazy, weird obsession with force-bonding?" Elsa asks. "That's not what happened."

Anna gasps, half offended. "I was drunk, okay. So my reaching was a drunk thing and you took advantage of me. That's called force - "

"You hit me with your - " Elsa half yells, catching herself before she gets louder, and then repeating in a softer tone, "You hit me with your bike."

"Just stop reading my mind," Anna says. "At least I'm respecting you and staying out of yours. If I want to think about force-bonding I will. Without being judged by you." She folds her arms and pouts as exaggeratedly as possible so Elsa gets the message.

Elsa just giggles, actually fucking giggles, and Anna is so done. Half of her is pissed off, and the other half is busy thinking Elsa's laugh is possibly the most beautiful sound she's ever heard.

"You're kind of adorable," Elsa whispers, and then she flings her hand over her mouth like _that_ was the capital offense she just committed. "I mean, you're - I. I don't know. Look, you reached for me and it all just felt so right in the moment. And I didn't, well, I wasn't really aware we would bond. I was drunk and - " Elsa _breaks_. Anna can feel it, but also see it in the way Elsa slumps into herself. "There was an apartment party and drinks and I fought with my parents and wasn't looking when I crossed the street. It's just... shitty all around."

"Doesn't sound like a great night," Anna offers, turning to fluff her pillow so she can avoid looking as helpless as she feels right now, but the silence is painfully obvious. "I guess it's just, like, then. Well. What if we don't like each other?"

She stops actively blocking Elsa's thoughts and lets them flood into her. Elsa also feels scared and alone and like she messed up, and Anna's just being a complete twat to her. They were both drunk and dumb last night, and now they're sober and regretful, but they should at least try to make the most out of this situation. Anna's not sure how much of that was her own thinking, but it all seems rational.

This is all too much to handle at - Anna looks at the clock - eleven in the morning.

"Which one of us has to pee?" Elsa asks unexpectedly, scrunching up her nose.

Anna pokes at her stomach to test her bladder and realizes it's probably her. She did drink an incredible amount last night. It's probably good she ended up in the hospital after that many shots. In fact, she never bothered to question why they kept her overnight anyway.

Elsa shakes her head. "How'd you even get _on_ the bike after drinking that much?" Her voice is harsh, but she's feeling a mixture of concern and sincere confusion. "It's probably not safe for anyone for you to be riding that."

"It's that or my car," Anna points out.

"Or Uber," Elsa says, grinning like Anna didn't consider that option. Which, she didn't, but that's beside the point.

"My bike worked fine before you drunkenly walked in front of it, thank you."

Elsa just sighs and wraps her hospital cardigan around her. A flood of sadness washes over Anna so she projects comforting thoughts onto Elsa until she looks up. "It's going to be fine, we just have to figure things out. It doesn't have to drastically change our lives."

"Yeah," Elsa says, nodding as if she's reassuring herself and not Anna, "we can just pretend it never even happened."

x

"I'm literally _dying_ , Kristoff. You don't understand."

Figuring things out is harder than it sounds, but Anna's learning fast that they definitely can't pretend this never happened, especially considering the hardest and most obvious obstacle seems to be distance.

The further apart Anna is from Elsa, the more their bond becomes muffled, but it also makes her _miss_ Elsa more, and she never even thought it was possible to miss a person she doesn't properly know. It's not like usual pining where she eats ice-cream and checks her phone a thousand times for text messages while she watches _Pretty Little Liars_. There's a physical component to this; it _hurts_ when Elsa isn't around. Anna can feel it in her head and her chest and it feels like a little piece of her is missing.

She'd try to communicate that to Elsa, except she can't project thoughts when they're that far away, just feelings that are really strong. Elsa can tell if she's sad or frightened, but she just won't know why. Anna knows this mostly because she can tell when Elsa's sad or frightened and she never knows why.

She doesn't expect Kristoff to understand because he's never been bonded before, but it's all she has. It's why she called an emergency meeting in their favorite restaurant.

"Can you tell me how you managed to get _bonded_ Anna? It's not something you do on a whim."

"Yeah, it's something you do after ten shots," Anna shoots back. "We're not here to argue about how or why. It _happened._ And I'm dying. And - "

Kristoff stares at her. "Have you tried calling your bondmate?"

"- there's this crippling feeling in my chest like someone's punching me constantly and I can't get it to go away."

"You really should just talk to her. You're bonded. You can't really ignore that."

"And I had to set up traps in my room because I try to sleep walk out of my house toward her. I don't even know for sure where she lives."

"I'm serious, you really need to talk to her. Bonds aren't something that can be ignored. Why do you think the government takes them so seriously?"

"And I'm even craving foods I never liked before or ones I generally thought were gross before now. Like tomatoes. I really used to _hate_ tomatoes and now - "

"Anna," Kristoff snaps, "you should call her and talk to her. Like an adult. Stop being dumb about this."

Anna scowls at him. "Well I didn't realize someone who skips showers for days on end could give _adult_ advice," she snaps back, and Kristoff kicks her under the table.

The waitress flutters over then, pencil tucked behind her ear, and her hair tied up into a messy bun. It's the one that typically flirts with Anna, but today she's keeping her distance. "Haven't seen you around in a while," she starts, her eyes flickering between Anna and her notepad like she's disappointed about something. She sighs after a moment, then stares decidedly down at her pad. She never even bothered bringing that out before because she said she has a knack for waitressing, can remember even the most complex orders. Anna's even put that to the test. "Will it be the usual?"

Anna grasps for words, but she doesn't find any, so she just nods instead and the waitress bounces off without bothering to look at her again or ask Kristoff if he wants anything.

"Jeez, what was that about?" Anna huffs after a minute.

"She can sense you're bonded now," Kristoff points out. "It really is noticeable, especially since you and your mate are so far apart. I guess."

Anna gulps. "You mean like, I'm _marked_?"

"Yeah, there's really no cheating without feeling guilty about it."

"I figured that much out when I felt her in my head," Anna says, "but it's not really cheating if we're not exclusive. I mean we're bonded, but we're not dating."

"Bonding is literally the meaning of exclusivity, Anna. Normally you would've checked out like six women in here by now, but you haven't noticed one."

"That's not true," Anna says, looking around. But _it is_. There's _at least_ six women she would have found attractive before today and pointed out to Kristoff so he could decline being her wingman. This isn't good. "But, I can't just call her. I don't know what to say."

It only takes one more night of tossing in her sleep before Anna finally gives in.

Elsa picks up on the first ring. "Anna?" she answers, and there's so much relief in her voice that it's almost painful.

"I can't be away from you," Anna blurts, and then she slaps her forehead with her hand. "Crap, I promised myself I wouldn't be creepy, I swear, but I just - it's hard navigating this whole thing, and - "

"Anna," Elsa breathes, "I feel it too. And I keep dreaming about sandwiches and Googling Joan of Arc." Anna giggles into her hand and she can feel Elsa smiling into the phone. "I don't think we can go about this normally, like nothing happened."

"Yeah," Anna says dumbly. She can feel her heart thumping in her chest. She can't tell if all these feelings swelling in her is just the bond or if she's actually really into Elsa, but considering she's only met Elsa once - it's probably the bond. Which just gets her to thinking, if someone actually bonds with a person they _love_ it must feel absolutely incredible. "I'm sorry this whole thing is happening, but yeah. We should probably talk about it."

"I should have - it's my fault," Elsa says. "You shouldn't feel sorry."

"But I hit you with my bike!" Anna argues. "I was going fast and was drunk, I should've been more careful."

Elsa pauses, then says in a small voice, "Can I come over, maybe?" Anna hears her take in a shaky breath.

"Yes," Anna says immediately. "Of course you can. Elsa you're in my head with access to my most private thoughts. You're welcome into my house."

"I know, but - I still don't. I don't know what to do about this."

Anna swallows. She doesn't know what to do about this either, but she'd really like Elsa to be close to her while they figure it out.

"You should hurry over," she whispers, "I need you." She hangs up right after she says it, before Elsa can think she's weird, but then she realizes she forgot to give her address so she just texts it apologetically.

Less than half an hour later, Anna doesn't even look through the peephole before she opens her door after she hears a knock. It could have been an axe murderer, but instead it's the most beautiful woman in existence - or, fuck. It's _Elsa,_ who's blushing again because Anna can't control her obvious bond hormones.

But Elsa's so lovely; she's sweet and soft, and it hits Anna especially hard in that moment. She looks so gorgeous with her braided ponytail and the hopeful expression lighting up her face, that Anna has to take a moment and remind herself to breathe. Or maybe it's Elsa mentally reminding her to breathe. It's good advice either way.

"You going to invite me in?" Elsa finally says, breaking the silence.

Anna steps aside, but Elsa still has to squeeze by (which Anna did not do on purpose, she's a gentlewoman), and that leads to Elsa's hand brushing across Anna's. It's their very first contact since the accident, and Anna expects to feel comfort, but instead her mind shoots to a dark room and it's cold and lonely and she somehow knows she's trapped inside.

It's so startling that Anna yanks away and ends up smacking her head on the wall behind her.

Elsa just tilts her head questioningly and asks, "Are you okay?"

Anna should be asking _her_ that, but instead she tries her hardest to block everything she's feeling when she says, "Yeah, I'm okay." Elsa's not buying it, so Anna follows it up with, "I think you shocked me on your way by."

That at least gets Elsa to look away and focus her attention on the apartment again.

Anna isn't one-hundred percent sure what that was she just felt, but she'd like to never feel it again.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: When I said this one's just for fun, I meant this one's [completely self-indulgent and no one wants or cares about this story except for me but I'm going to post this anyway because why not] just for fun.

i got an interview for a phd program send me positive vibes so i dont fuck it up thanks (8

* * *

Anna's apartment isn't too large, isn't too fancy, and it isn't the cleanest, but it's _hers_. She's worked hard enough that she's been able to find something cozy, but not tiny, and she has enough for the basics plus extra accessories. It isn't the best place in the world, but Anna likes to think it's very nice.

Elsa takes to it like a puppy in a park. She starts bouncing around radiating excited, possessive feelings. She assesses every room in the apartment, what needs cleaning, and what needs to be thrown out. She also notes every take-out container she sees and immediately starts mentally going over grocery lists and pasta recipes because she thinks Anna's in dire need of _real_ nutrition.

Anna knows this doesn't necessarily mean that Elsa's moving in, but it feels an awful lot like Elsa's moving in.

She makes sure she thinks that very pronounced and clearly, so when Elsa finally stops short right in front of her and says, "Do you like spaghetti, spirali, or farfalle," Anna is completely lost because that has nothing to do with living arrangements.

She hums and taps her lip anyway, considering her options. "What exactly are we referring to? I know the first one is a noodle dish."

"They're all pastas," Elsa clarifies, and then she literally thinks _ugh_ when Anna tilts her head in confusion. "Long, curly, or bow-ties?"

"Now you're speaking my language. All three sound nice." She reconsiders once Elsa makes a face like she's morally compromised by the idea of using all three pastas in one dish. "The curly ones are also nice, just by themselves."

"When have you ever had spaghetti and spirali at the same time?"

"I haven't, just thought you were offering."

Elsa picks this moment to go over and start rummaging through Anna's refrigerator, which is a bad idea for at least three reasons. "When's the last time you bought groceries?" Elsa asks distractedly as she sniffs old leftovers in a Tupperware bowl. Anna doesn't even have to read her thoughts to know that was a bad idea.

"I grocery shop all the time," Anna says, feeling a little foreign in her own home. She's never been under this much scrutiny. "I'm just out of TV dinners at the moment."

Elsa looks up horrified, and Anna tries to laugh it off like it was a joke. It doesn't work. "Do you realize we're bonded?"

"What?" Anna gasps, "How long did you plan on keeping this from me?" She throws her hand over her mouth for good measure.

Elsa rolls her eyes. "I can't spend my life worrying you'll die at thirty and then I'll go into severance shock and have a psychic meltdown."

Anna's not familiar with either of those. She only recently learned about force-bonding and started practicing building mental walls. Not that it did any good in her case, but -

Elsa eyes her and Anna swallows. She forgot force-bonding is like the forbidden subject for some reason. Anyway, she has other things to worry about like. "What's severance shock and what's a psychic meltdown?"

That question only seems to deeply perplex Elsa. "Are you not familiar with the specifics of bonding?"

"I don't know, it's not like I researched bonds or anything," Anna admits, and honestly isn't surprised by the long silence that follows.

"You bonded with a stranger and didn't think to look into what that meant for your life?" Elsa sounds incredulous. And she has a point, but there's no use in Anna admitting that, because it's already pretty obvious that she's apparently an idiot.

"You're not an _idiot_ ," Elsa says, "but you should have looked into it. Is that why it took you so long to call me?"

This whole time Anna was under the impression that Elsa was dodging _her._ "You could have called me too," Anna says, looking down at her feet to hide her expression. She feels surprisingly vulnerable, but there's no use in hiding how she feels since Elsa can just read her mind anyway. "It's not like I planned for any of this."

"How was I supposed to call you?" Elsa says, walking back to Anna. "All you can think about is force-bonding, so was I supposed to reach out and say hey now we have to live together even though you think I violated you. Do you know how invasive force-bonding is? Do you know how it feels to have someone you don't want in your head? It's not - fuck."

Elsa trails off and it's like she's feeling a thousand emotions all at once, but also _thinking_ a thousand things at once, which is surprisingly hard for Anna to handle cognitively. Her mind keeps jumping from one train of thought to another, just as fast as Elsa's is.

 _Have to be close-_  
 _Bonds-_  
 _Important-_  
 _Sickness-_  
 _Too strong-_  
 _Disruption-_  
 _She doesn't know-_  
 _Spectrum-_  
 _Scale-_  
 _Psychic Ability-_  
 _Numbers-_

Through it all Anna's being hit with all the accompanying emotions, which are ten times worse and twenty times as strong because Elsa's _right there_. And Anna just has the overwhelming urge to throw up because it feels like her world is spinning and her mind is on fire. All she can see, even though it makes absolutely no sense at all, is Elsa's anger. It's bright red and hot right in front of her and everything else is disappearing into the background. Right here, right now, no one told her _this_ is what it's like to be bonded.

A moment after Anna reaches what has got to be her cognitive threshold (she doesn't think she could take much more), the anger and the dizziness is interrupted by warmth. It takes her mind a few minutes to adjust, but when it does she's surprised to realize that the warmth is coming from Elsa hugging her.

Elsa doesn't say anything for a moment, but Anna can feel her comfortably taking up space in Anna's head, smoothing out the headache and the confusion and the nausea, claiming the space for herself like she deserves to be there. It'd be weird and invasive with anyone else, but Anna knows she's also doing the same to Elsa, taking up as much space as she can because it feels right and perfect and like that's exactly where she belongs.

Anna's always known about bonds, of course, but nothing could prepare her for the drowning sensation she feels whenever she looks at Elsa, or the sadness that seeps all the way into her bones and makes it almost physically impossible to lift out of the bed in the morning when Elsa isn't around, or the overwhelming, ever present sensation of _mine_ that she's constantly feeling every second of her life since the start of their bond.

It's a lot to take in, but she's never wanted to take in anything more than she wants to take in Elsa. She can't even control it, her thoughts or her feelings or her _need_ to be close to Elsa _._

Maybe she over-did it with the force-bonding thing and maybe she doesn't really know everything about bonds, but she's _in_ one, so figuring it out is better than being yelled at for not knowing.

Elsa hums approvingly of that in her mind, and then Anna relaxes fully into the hug.

Touching makes every heartbeat and every breath feel amplified and amazing at the same time. It feels complete and full and happy and glorious and like - it feels like _home_. And Anna's sure Elsa didn't plan this at all, but the moment just keeps getting better and better because it turns out Anna's quite a bit shorter than Elsa. She never noticed because they've only met twice before and neither of those times they were really _standing_ next to each other. But right now, standing in front of Elsa, Anna can't help but push in even closer so that her forehead can fit right beneath Elsa's jaw. Elsa lets her do it too, lifts her chin a little so Anna can nuzzle in.

It's all great, and Anna would be content standing there forever, but she still wants to know what just happened. So she pulls away, and immediately regrets it, but she's strong and sticks with her decision. "Is it always like that when one of us gets angry? I couldn't see anything and I felt like throwing up and my world was spinning and -"

Elsa shakes her head and grabs Anna's hand like she's about to explain a very delicate situation to a toddler. "Have you ever heard of the Argo-Meyer scale?"

"Sure," Anna nods. "Everyone has to take that test and get scored before entering school." She remembers how proud her parents were when she scored a four and got to go in the advanced psychic class at her grade school.

Elsa's nerves start bleeding through their bond, so Anna squeezes her hand. "What is it?"

"The - the way the scale works," Elsa fumbles out, "is - it's. Well, ones and twos are non-bonders. They can't form bonds, but it's useful in warfare because they can't be mentally tampered with. Threes are your average people. They can form relationship bonds, but they aren't exceptional or strong by any measure. Fours and fives can go a bit deeper into feeling perception and mind reading."

Anna blinks slowly and nods. She knows all of this already, doesn't know why Elsa's going through the trouble of explaining it.

Elsa clears her throat. "Anything above a six is considered exceptional, is what I'm getting at."

"So are you a six or something?"

Elsa entire body tenses when she whispers, "I scored a 9.82."

Anna nearly chokes on her own saliva. "But the scale's out of ten."

"It's why I was scared in the hospital when you brought up force-bonding," Elsa says, like it's a huge relief off her chest. "It's why I didn't want to call you, even though I knew you were getting disruption sickness. It's why I'm not supposed to drink because not being able to control my impulses and emotions could end in me projecting onto a whole load of people."

"But that isn't so bad in the grand scheme of things," Anna assures.

"Yeah, it isn't so bad until I get angry and project while driving on a highway and cause a twenty car pile-up." Elsa runs a shaky hand through her bangs, and no matter how hard Anna tries, she can't comfort her. "I can enter people's heads without being bonded to them. It's dangerous and deadly and people like me are the reason they mandated those test before entering school. So they could catch us early. And - " She pauses. "We're not supposed to get emotional, because that, what you just felt, happens."

"What happens if like, if you go past what I can handle mentally?"

"That one's not so bad," Elsa says nervously, pulling on a strand of hair. "If your mental capacity is exceeded your mind just fizzes out for a moment and you throw up. It feels like shit, but it pretty much resets itself though."

Anna's almost afraid to ask which one _is_ bad if that one isn't, but it's only responsible to be informed. "So what's the worst that can happen?"

"Well, you hitting your mental limit sends a pretty large signal to me that I'm fucking up. It's like a fail-safe, so -"

"Yeah, but what's the worst that can happen?"

Elsa swallows, or gulps, whichever is more dramatic. "Well, after your brain fizzes out, if I still don't stop, then it moves to the rest of your body. Most of it's survivable, like muscle weakness and shortness of breath, but -" She hesitates, but Anna glares at her until she keeps going. "If I can't regain control I could stress out your heart, and that could actually kill you. And, well. Severance shock is basically what happens when a bond this strong gets broken. Psychic meltdown is pretty self-explanatory from there."

Oh. That is an interesting development. "Good thing they caught your abilities early then. I assume you got some sort of training," Anna says hopefully.

But Elsa's expression sort of kills those hopes. "I'm one of the highest scores they've ever seen. They ran a lot of stress tests, but - doctors treated me like a lab experiment and the government treated me like a weapon, so my father had his own way of teaching me control. Which mostly just involved me not feeling anything, or suppressing anything I did feel."

Anna doesn't know how to respond to that, because that basically means she's attached to a ticking time bomb. And the fact that Elsa doesn't object to that thought means that she probably agrees.

Fantastic.

Anna claps her hands together. "So, maybe we should try the spaghetti with the _sprigati_ \- "

"Spirali."

"Right, spirali. It can't be that bad."

x

Anna's a bit exhausted when she gets to work the next day. She immediately pulls off her cardigan and her scarf, throwing them on her desk before taking a moment to properly stress out about her infinitely complicated life. She's taking deep breaths, ignoring the little tug in her mind that's already wishing Elsa were still close, trying to get everything back in order, when thankfully Tiana walks past. Tiana looks as immaculate as ever _,_ raising one eyebrow as she takes in the scene.

"Heard you got bonded," Tiana sighs, taking a seat in Anna's rolly chair. "Didn't know you were even seeing anyone."

"It wasn't by choice," Anna groans, rubbing her face with her hand. "How'd you even find out?"

"Kristoff."

Anna rolls her eyes. "Of course."

"It's not like you could hide it anyway," Tiana says. "You're pretty much radiating _bond_. It's weird."

Anna nibbles on her lip before saying, offhandedly, "I guess that's what happens when you bond to a 9.82 on the scale."

Tiana snorts. "Like, on Argo-Meyer? You do know they have to train special people for super psychics and put them into arranged bonds, right?"

Anna pouts. "So, I might actually die."

Tiana looks at her pityingly, grabbing her wrist. "Come, bathroom. I have makeup and perfume." She pauses. "And you can tell me all about the bond."

Anna can't help smiling, she's super appreciative. "I'm not sure we have the same MAC color," she laughs, letting Tiana drag her to the bathroom anyway. She accepts the lipstick and the mascara gratefully. And then she takes the perfume and sprays it liberally so the whole bathroom smells like Reb'L Fleur.

Tiana sits on the sink with her legs crossed at the ankles, swinging them back and forth.

"Thanks," Anna says once she's finished, handing all of Tiana's items back to her. "So her name's Elsa. She's pretty and tall and smart and can cook and is totally going to fry my brain."

Tiana smiles, rolling her perfectly made up eyes. "You can't even hide your glow. It sounds like you like her."

"I think bonds make it hard _not_ to like someone."

"Yeah, that explains the popularity of bond-blocker bracelets," Tiana says sarcastically. "Obviously no one wants to step outside their bond without their mate knowing."

"You think those could help," Anna asks, thoughtfully. "Not for stepping out, but like, just in case."

"For a 9.82? I doubt that bracelet would even take off the edge. You're going to need prescription strength psychic blockers for that." Tiana climbs off the sink and starts fiddling with Anna's hair. "But those have some serious side effects that I doubt you'd want to deal with. Plus, being with a 9.82, you'd probably get disruption even while she's there when you're on those."

Anna just blinks. There's so much about bonds she didn't know. "How do you know so much about this stuff?"

"I wrote the piece last month on the super psychics." She smirks. "You'd know if you ever ventured anywhere outside the nature stories."

"But nature writing is what I do _best_ ," Anna explains. "It's why you hired me, remember?"

Tiana laughs. "You're going to be fine," she says, running a thumb over Anna's cheek. "Every bond has its complications. You just have to figure them out. Besides, I'm a 6 and Naveen is a 3. And I haven't killed him yet." She winks and Anna smiles.

Tiana and Naveen were actually in love _before_ they bonded, but at least there's still hope.

"Anyway," Tiana says suddenly, "we should probably get to work."

x

Work ends up going fairly nice for Anna; she gets to interview the owner of some exotic animals, which means she gets to see exotic animals and take pictures of them and snapchat about how cool they are. Her bond only really bothers her a few times, but ever since last night it's felt different — more stable, more secure.

Anna has a quick shower once she's home, towel drying her hair as she throws a TV dinner in the microwave. She pulls out one of those Hillshire Farm salads as well; it looks gross, but she feels guilty about the TV dinner. It's not like she's suddenly overly conscious about what she eats, but since she's in the bond now she has to at least be a little considerate.

She's got Pretty Little Liars on the DVR because she's addicted to bad television, although it has lost most its appeal since she bonded. She checks the messages on her house phone and settles into the couch as the smell of Salisbury steak starts to fill the kitchen.

And that's when Elsa conveniently opens the door, immediately upset about the TV dinner.

"It's easy after a long day," Anna defends, before Elsa gets the chance to attack.

"I wasn't going to complain."

Anna can't help but laugh as Elsa wrinkles up her nose. "I can _see_ your disgust."

"I'm allowed to be disgusted," Elsa says, slipping her shoes off in the foyer, and walking over to join Anna on the couch. "Doesn't mean I was going to complain about it, though. It's not like your health affects me or anything."

"Don't be a shitter, I opened one of those dumb salads too."

"I can be a _shitter_ if I want," Elsa says, amused. "I don't know what this attack is for, anyway. You should be thanking me for stopping you from tripping three times in the grocery store yesterday."

Elsa looks unbearably pleased with herself, and Anna's just lost. "When'd you stop me from tripping?"

"I just — " Elsa lifts her hand. "You were a little off-balance, so I helped you out."

Anna hums in consideration. "Interesting. Do you always stop me from doing things?"

"Considering yesterday was our first day together, I'd say no."

"Right!" Anna says, pulling away and slapping her hand down on the couch. For some weird reason she managed to forget that she just met Elsa. "We never really got into proper introductions, and those are rightfully important. You seem more mysterious, so you should start."

"Alright," Elsa starts, smiling. "I'm Elsa Stone. I'm twenty-three, from the north originally, and I love ice-skating. Uh. That's it, really. I'm not so mysterious. Tell me about yourself."

Anna sucks in a breath, because it's hard choosing from all the interesting facts she knows about herself. It's probably safest to just follow Elsa's lead, though.

"Alright, well. I'm Anna, I'm twenty, born and raised in Arendelle, and uhh... " she looks around, suddenly unaware of _anything_ interesting about herself. "...my favorite fruit is apple."

Elsa nods like she's deep in thought. "So do you think about apples often?"

"I guess as much as anyone does," Anna says, shrugging. "They're not exactly the most interesting fruit. Or the funniest."

"True, you never really hear about slipping on an apple peel."

Anna bites her lip. It's probably too soon for her shitty jokes. Besides, they're having a perfectly serious conversation about their lives and fruit. She probably shouldn't ruin the moment. "Elsa, why did the banana go to the doctor?"

Elsa ruffles her bangs, probably in an effort to not seem amused. "Why?"

"Because it wasn't peeling well."

There's silence for a moment. And then Elsa covers her face with both hands and laughs. "Oh god, _you_ can't think the punchline so loud before you say it. But even then I wasn't prepared."

Anna's overwhelmingly pleased with herself. " _Hey_. You can't listen to my thoughts and ruin my joke. I worked hard on that one."

"Don't think it if you don't want me to hear it," Elsa says, grinning.

She rolls her neck around slowly after that, grabbing her shoulder and stretching it. Anna sighs because it's obvious their sleeping arrangement needs a bit of reconsideration. She just isn't sure how to properly ask if Elsa's interested in _sharing_ a bed, since she isn't necessarily excited about sleeping on the couch herself.

"Was the couch bad last night?" she tries, "I told you you could have the bed."

"It's fine," Elsa says, still massaging her neck. "It's your house, we'll figure it out. I don't want to put you out or anything."

"We could share the bed," Anna says, deciding to just get the idea out of the way.

Elsa's breath catches and Anna scoots closer. It feels like time. They won't get anywhere by being afraid to get close to each other. It's not like these are temporary arrangements, considering there's a lifetime commitment attached to their bond.

Once Anna's practically right underneath Elsa, Elsa leans down and nuzzles her nose in Anna's hair and Anna leans into it until Elsa wraps her arms around her. It's almost weird to think they didn't know each other a week before, and it's weird to think about how natural it feels just being in Elsa's arms. It's even more weird that Anna feels safer with Elsa than she does with anyone else. The thing about bonds, Anna's figuring out, is that the feelings that comes with them are real. It's not a matter of when the bond will wear off or when the feelings will wear off because it's forever. Sort of like a tattoo on your soul.

Elsa laughs against the side of Anna's head. "Like a tattoo, yeah?" Anna turns and looks up nervously so that she's facing Elsa. Elsa pauses, then says, "That's sort of romantic."

Anna physically relaxes, muscles unclenching. "I mean it's as sappy as everything else you think," Elsa continues, laughing when Anna shoves her a little. "Hey! I didn't say I had a problem with it, it's sort of adorable."

Anna frowns, playfully. "You're not allowed to tease when you hear all of my embarrassing thoughts."

"I told you stop thinking them, remember?"

"Yeah, like that's easy."

Elsa gently puts her hand over Anna's, warm and confident. "It's alright, I prefer hearing them anyway. It's like a breath of fresh air."


	3. Chapter 3

Elsa's asleep by the time Anna gets out of the shower the next night, curled in the center of the bed with her face shoved in two pillows. Her t-shirt's ridden up slightly, showing part of her back, and it's so tempting to just go cuddle up behind her, but Anna would feel bad if she woke Elsa, so she grabs her laptop and sets up camp on the couch instead. This is the perfect time to finally figure out what's going on with her head and her body and her bond and her life in general.

Which basically means she spends the night Googling everything until she ends up horrified on Reddit reading severance shock horror stories. She doesn't know how valid any of this is, but continuing to hear Elsa's thoughts even after Elsa dies sounds thoroughly scary and makes Anna wish she didn't choose to sit in the living room alone. In the dark.

She quickly turns on the light and runs back to the couch to finish her search.

Although she already had the basics down, she does learn a few new things, most of which she didn't know she needed to know, like:

\- Bondmates can't bring their partners back to life by believing/loving/focusing hard enough. There's no real-life spark to bring someone back. It's just a movie thing.

\- Same thing for bringing bondmates out of comas with kisses. Again, just doesn't happen outside movies.

\- Bonds are not predetermined, and only referred to as soul-bonds due to popular culture. They're mostly a mixture of (there's a lot of biology and chemistry and psychic lingo that Anna doesn't understand). But basically there are not soulmates, unless you believe in that kind of thing.

\- Bonds only connect you to your partner, not your children. There are no real advantages to having biological children vs. adopting.

\- It's not uncommon for bondmates to die after their partner dies. Usually due to unexplained health complications. Although this is typically seen in older bonded couples.

\- Diseases can't be passed through bonds. Sexually transmitted infections are still only sexually transmitted.

That one should be obvious, Anna thinks, but she was convinced her bond was a force-bond, so she knows how easy it is to believe something that simply doesn't make any sense.

She gets tired after a while, and ends up just flopping on her back and letting everything she read run through her mind, letting her thoughts drift off into different scenarios. She lifts her shirt and runs her hands over her stomach before throwing an arm over her eyes, completely relaxed under the warm glow of the living room light. So she's quite surprised to suddenly hear Elsa say, " _Anna_."

It's not that she's forgotten that Elsa's there, how could she ever, but she was being _nice_ and letting Elsa sleep. There's no need for Elsa to sound slightly annoyed.

She lifts her head from the couch and looks over at Elsa. Oh. That wasn't annoyed. That was strained. Elsa's standing straight as a rod near the doorway to the bedroom, one hand twisting at her shirt, and the other resting against the door frame. This is interesting. "Yes?"

"What's happening out here?" Elsa asks, running an aggressive hand through her bangs and aggressively keeping a straight face.

"You were sleeping peacefully, so instead of going to bed I decided to browse the internet," Anna says innocently.

"But do you have to..." Elsa flaps her hand around in frustration, revealing that she is, in fact, flustered. "...do you have to do that half naked?"

Okay, maybe Anna only slipped on a t-shirt and some underwear, with no bra, when she came from the shower. It slipped her mind, really. She's normally a fantastic roommate. Still, she can't say she doesn't like the way Elsa's looking at her. It makes the mood feel a bit different. Anna sits up and turns so that her legs are off the couch, lifting her arms above her head in a stretch that makes her shirt ride up. Elsa's unusually silent, like, mentally. So Anna nudges at her mind, but it's like she hits a wall. Elsa must be blocking.

Anna smiles. "Did I disturb you?"

Elsa isn't listening. Anna can feel how intensely she's staring at her, even without making eye contact. Even with Elsa blocking. She doesn't even feel self conscious, revels in it. She shakes out her hair and then runs her hand through it. Elsa makes a miserable little noise and says, "It's, uh. I had a nightmare." She finally drags her eyes up to make eye contact, looking at Anna accusatorily. "It was fairly persistent, a ghost bonding to me in my sleep."

Oh. "Sorry," Anna gulps. "I was reading horror stories."

"Some of us are trying to sleep."

Anna puts her hands over her thighs, the moment's sort of gone. "Sorry, was an accident. Was researching bonds and clicked a wrong link."

Elsa lets out a laugh and stops blocking. She tilts her head. "Come to bed so you're not a zombie tomorrow. Remember, one of us wants you healthy." She pauses to take a long breath. "And put some pants on."

So Anna can make Elsa flustered. This is the best discovery yet.

x

"What's gotten into you?" Kristoff asks, quirking a brow.

Anna can't stop smiling. She half-wants to go on about how great it is sleeping next Elsa and semi-cuddling and watching her sleep and finding out she maybe definitely _is really attracted to Anna_. But then again she doesn't want to sound like Cady talking about Regina in Mean Girls, like she's just spewing word vomit. "Nothing, why?"

"You're just... last time we hung out you were dying."

Anna frowns. "Oh yeah. You didn't have to tell T, by the way. I could've done it myself."

"I just wanted to give her the heads up. In case you needed support. She's the only other bond I know. And our friend. And your boss. It was fitting."

Anna rolls her eyes and doesn't bother commenting on that. Instead, she opens the glove compartment and rifles through the CDs until she finds 25 by Adele. She pulls the CD out of the case and then ejects the CD already in the stereo system. Surprisingly, it's another copy of 25. "I know I'm not in a position to judge, but I think you have a problem."

Kristoff groans. "One of them is borrowed, okay? Was just until I got my own copy and then I was going to return it."

Anna laughs. "Yeah, sure. Who even buys CDs anymore anyways. Especially when cars have bluetooth and phones hold so much more."

Kristoff must have something important to say, because he looks at her and not the road. "It's Adele."

"It'd be Adele in a digital copy as well," Anna retorts. "You know, the singer doesn't actually change, just the media format."

Kristoff sighs, and then he turns and fixes her with his serious stare once they're at a red light. "So, the bond. What's new since she moved in?"

Anna swallows and adjusts her cardigan. It's dark blue and fits perfectly on her. Which has less to do with it's actual fit and more to do with the fact that it's Elsa's, so it's automatically perfect. "Nothing, tragically. You really don't have to keep asking about her."

Kristoff shoves her shoulder. "Don't be ridiculous. I need to know why you think she's so great all of a sudden."

"What, you don't believe me?" Anna asks, giving up hugging the cardigan around herself to glare at Kristoff. "I texted you pictures of her napping on the sofa."

"She was asleep with her shoes on and her feet on the couch. You deserve better than that."

Anna can't help her smile. "She dozed off and I put her feet up to make her comfortable. All my doing."

Kristoff is supposed to be giddy with her, but instead he just sighs again. And she gets it. She really gets it. It's just that the first time she even thought about bonding, it was with Hans. She thought she was in love, like true love, and she chattered off nonstop to Kristoff about it until he was behind it one-hundred percent. In fact, no one supported Anna's potential bond more than Kristoff.

So when Hans turned out to be a complete twat, Kristoff sort of lost his faith in people faster than Anna did. But he _was_ the one that had to do damage control and deal with a generally depressed eighteen year old Anna. It was a dark time, she doesn't like talking about it.

"She's very considerate," Anna tries. "And I'm already in her head, so how many big surprises can there be?" There can actually be a lot, but she keeps that to herself in the name of comforting Kirstoff.

"I know," he says, "it's just. You do this annoying thing where you think the best of people."

"How's it annoying?"

"Because if you were more cynical I wouldn't have to worry about my best friend getting hurt all the time."

"It's not all the time," Anna disagrees. "And this is different. It's permanent, so I can't really give up on her." She gets that Kristoff wants the best for her, but whether Elsa is the best or not, Anna's stuck with her. She might as well enjoy it.

"Fine," Kristoff says, giving in. "How's getting to know her? What's she like?"

Kristoff's making it hard to not talk about Elsa since he keeps asking about Elsa. But as long as they're on the subject, Anna doesn't mind. It's sort of her favorite topic. "She's really nice and supportive and caring and - " Anna sighs. "She's funny and smart and cute and older. She gets that I'm clumsy and jittery when I'm nervous, so she's always distracting me with questions and interesting facts. And she likes that I'm _sappy_." She slumps down in her seat because it feels like her heart's melting. "I think she's perfect."

"But have you seen her outside a contained environment, like interacting with other people? Like with friends?"

"No," Anna admits. "I only see her when we're both home. And grocery shopping."

Kristoff shakes his head. "You can't live like you're two separate people that only share a home. You have a bond, so it's already more than that. You're not awkward freshman roommates."

"There's nothing awkward about us," Anna clarifies.

Kristoff hums, tapping his chin. "But she hasn't met any of your friends. How do we know you're not making any of this up?"

"You're just mad because she's cuter than you, so you have to tell yourself she's not real."

Kristoff laughs. "No, smartass. I'm telling you invite her to your office party. Let her meet T and the gang. And by gang I mean me. Show off your nature stories and cool paper clip figures you keep hidden in your desk drawer. It can be fun."

Anna looks at him like he's a genius. "That's actually not a bad idea."

"I'm full of good ideas," Kristoff says smiling. He taps the wheel and wrinkles his nose. "So, have you like, you know. Like, sex."

Anna gasps. That's none of his business. "Try having some respect for my private life, Toffee," she says, obviously offended.

Kristoff squints at the road. "I am a man now, you do not call me that."

"Whatever," Anna says, knocking their elbows together. "So, speaking of sex lives -

"We were not."

" - how long you going to stay the only virgin I know?"

"You've had sex _once_ ," Kristoff says, defensively. "It's not like I'm in a rush."

"Your standards are just impossibly high," Anna goes on. "I'm sure you just have to flex those muscles in any girl's direction and you'll get some in no time. Not that you _should_ ," Anna adds, in case he's offended. "Being a virgin doesn't mean anything bad, just that you respect yourself enough to wait for the right one." Kristoff blushes and Anna ducks her head.

After a moment Kristoff perks up again and clears his throat. "So, um. Well, what's her family like? Her childhood? What school did she go to? What was she like before you?"

Those questions are actually a lot harder than they seem. Frustratingly hard.

"I - I, uh." Anna huffs. "Well." She's getting irritated because she doesn't know the answers, but she _should_. She doesn't know how she can be in a relationship that feels so real and trusting and amazing and she doesn't know a single thing about the person - oh. Well, that's probably what Kristoff's getting at with the Hans vibe. Which is probably what he's pointing out with these questions. Anna at least knows Elsa's better than that. "We're still getting to know each other," she says honestly. "It can't all happen in a day. In a perfect world I'd know everything about her, but it's. It's just not that easy. You gotta understand that."

Kristoff comes up short. He's silent for a moment. He sounds a bit more reasonable when he asks, "What's being bonded feel like? When you're not dying, that is."

Anna nibbles on her lip and thinks about it, really thinks about. It's surprisingly hard to explain how it feels. The best she can come up with is it's like having a second heartbeat; sometimes you're super aware of it, and other times it's barely noticeable, but you'd definitely know if it stopped or if something was wrong. But it's also like having a second pair of lungs and a second set of feelings. At first it's confusing and chaotic, but it fades into this pleasant buzz that's always there and soothing and she can't remember what it was like before her bond, but she's not interested in ever going back.

The trouble with it is that she's sure that even if she hated Elsa, she'd still feel this way. Maybe to a lesser extent, but not liking Elsa is like not liking herself, because Elsa is a very real and quite literal _piece of her_.

"It's like you're no longer your own person," Anna settles on. "You feel what they feel, and they feel what you feel. But instead of feeling cramped or invasive it's like - Whenever you touch them or see them or when you're just around them it feels like coming home from a hard day of school and finding fresh baked cookies in the kitchen. It's like a pleasant feeling that resonates in the deepest parts of your mind."

"Maybe you should write poetry instead of nature stories," Kristoff jokes.

Anna doesn't laugh, though, or jab back. Because as much as everyone thinks it's cute or funny that she's being sappy or whatever, it's all real to her. Elsa's practically a ten on the Argo-Meyer scale, so she can probably turn it off whenever she wants. She can block Anna or dull out the bond, but Anna can't do that. She couldn't really block Elsa even if she wanted to. Sometimes she feels like she's more Elsa than she is herself. Sometimes when they eat together she has to eat the same things at the same times because otherwise she'll taste the spinach Elsa's eating as she bites her hamburger and her stomach will turn.

She feels Elsa in her fingertips and on the tips of her ears and in her toes and her bones and she's so attached to Elsa that sometimes it hurts.

It may be her only _cynical_ thought, but underneath how 'cute' that is, is the very real, and very scary, fact that Elsa's life is her life and that's essentially what a bond is. It's sacrificing the deepest parts of yourself in order to be a singular unit with someone else.

And maybe Anna doesn't understand how people skip how serious that is and go straight for it being cute.

She shrugs. "You just have to be bonded to understand."

x

Anna mulls over Kristoff's office party idea for a week, and decides the day before the party that's it's quite brilliant. Mostly because the more time she spends with Elsa, the more she's aware that they're in this content little isolated world. And she doesn't really want to be a hermit, after all.

Office parties under Tiana are always three things: organized, fun, and awe-inspiring. Tiana has a knack for everything because she's generally just an impeccable human being, but on top of that she works hard. She's like, beautiful, but also has a down to earth personality and an enviable work ethic and she's perfect in every way.

Which is exactly how Anna sells the office party to Elsa.

"I think I just became the biggest supporter of Tiana's _secure_ bond," Elsa says, between scoops of macaroni. She baked it and it has four cheeses and bacon and it's great and Anna officially swears she will never eat another TV dinner again. "I'm almost jealous."

"No," Anna says quickly. "She's just more like, who I want to be when I grow up. Not who I want to bond to. It's different. There's role model and then there's _bondmate_." She feels like that explanation didn't come out as great as it sounded in her head, and judging by Elsa's scoff, she's right. "I mean, and then there's role model _and_ bondmate."

Elsa at least looks to approve of the correction. "I don't know, a room full of strangers isn't really my scene."

"They're not _strangers_ ," Anna explains. "They're more like family, you know? They're my people. If you like me you'll like them."

Elsa sighs deeply because this is an obvious guilt trip. But Anna really needs to pull out the big guns here, it means a lot to her. "Last time I went to a party I ended up bonded, remember?" Anna nudges her to look up and note her deep frown, and Elsa adds, "Not that you're not a great person to be accidentally bonded to, just. In the grand scheme of things it's not my most responsible decision."

Anna pouts, and Elsa immediately thinks it's cute. She's always thinking about how _adorable_ Anna is, but Anna never seems to get her way perfectly. She reaches over and forks some pasta off Elsa's plate, chewing it slowly. It's too delicious to keep a pouty face. "Please come," Anna whines, giving her best puppy eyes. "It'll be fun."

"It'll be weird," Elsa clarifies, knocking Anna's fork away when she reaches for seconds. "I don't know them and they don't know me and - we'd have to tell the same we-got-drunkenly-bonded story over and over again."

"We could make it interesting, tell a different story every time just for a laugh. Elsa," Anna whines again, sliding closer to her. "What do you think is going to happen? You can't really bond to someone else, if that's what you're worried about. I think we've gotten the worst out of the way already. My friends want to know you, so either they show up here unannounced and interrogate you, or you got to this party."

Elsa sighs, closing her eyes, even as a warm feeling spreads across her mind at the idea of knowing Anna's friends. "Fine, I'll go."

It still takes two more times of Anna begging and convincing, but Elsa can't physically say no, since Anna would just flood her mind with mental frowny faces until she caved anyway.

Because Anna's determined to make this work. Because she's sure they can have a typical bond.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: i'm not amazing at world building, so you're all on this magical experimental journey with me

also, happy holidays or something.

* * *

Anna never bothered reading the party invite outside of when and where, so when they finally arrive (late, since Elsa _intentionally_ took too much time getting ready. Because she thinks showing up late means less time at the party. Whatever), Anna couldn't feel more out of place. And she once walked into a naked yoga class when she was looking for the beginners. The fact that she's wearing a Christmas sweater and everyone else is in designer outfits does not help the matter, neither does Kristoff and Tiana being off god knows where.

The venue is actually massive, which makes it even more unsettling that it's nearly filled to capacity with people who all apparently picked up on the non-Christmas-sweater-wearing dress code.

It makes sense, though, considering their magazine was just bought by the Weselton company and they had to move to the new fancy building on the twenty-third floor - oh god, Anna should have known this wasn't going to be a friendly holiday sweater and kareoke get-together. She even thinks about how fancy the soap dispensers are every day in the bathroom, so that logic should have transferred over to the company Christmas party.

It's a good thing Elsa refused to wear the matching Mrs. Claus sweater to her Santa one. At least one of them looks chic.

They're greeted at the door by _greeters_ and told there's gourmet hors-d'oeuvres scattered on the tables along the wall, and that there's punch, but there's also an open bar and free drinks and the bartender's liberal with the whiskey. The decorations are fantastic; there's a giant perfectly decorated Christmas tree and the entire room is dark, but dimly lit with a blue glow and there's snowflakes hanging from the ceilings.

Elsa looks around and swallows. "You never told me the magazine you work for is so prestigious."

"Yeah, Tiana's like Miranda Priestly, except without the emotional and psychological abuse," Anna says. "But I just write _nature_ stories and have fun taking cool pictures. It slipped my mind."

She would explain more, but the lights in the room start circling, finally stopping to focus on the stage. Someone who looks really important, although Anna's never seen him before, starts thanking them for attending the party. He only talks for a few minutes before the music starts back up again.

Then, Anna's distracted for a whole other reason: Elsa's just taken her hand and her fingers are squeezed firmly around Anna's as she leads them towards the bar. Anna's not sure if it's an intimate thing or if Elsa feels like if they don't hold hands they might get separated, but either way, she's not too keen on letting go.

Three champagne flutes and two cups of punch in, Anna and Elsa find themselves a nice hiding place behind a trendy, red miniature version of the large Christmas tree in the center of the room, and keep awkwardly checking their phones. Anna doesn't realize anyone is watching them until someone says, "Life of the party, are we?"

She's straightening up in an attempt to appear livelier, when she notices their observer is none other than Andrew Weselton, owner of the company and world renown billionaire. Andrew Weselton, whose probably the one signing Anna's boss's paychecks. Andrew Weselton, who looks like he's worth more money than the world has, while Anna is wearing an ugly Santa sweater.

Flustered beyond comprehension, Anna blurts out, "Balls of the Belle." She can actually feel her heart stop and the blood drain out of her face. "Belles of the ball. Crap. Sorry, you make me nervous and I've had drinks."

Weselton stares at her for a moment, probably contemplating just firing her on the spot, and then he steps forward and offers his hand, which Anna can't take right away since Elsa somehow managed to grab hers again. "Care to dance?"

Anna's so thankful that she didn't just screw over her career, that she actually cracks a smile. The first real one since she showed up at this party. She wonders if Weselton came here just out of obligation. Probably. "Um," she smiles, "I don't mind."

"No use in hiding," Weselton says, withdrawing his hand to gesture around. "This entire thing is for you to have fun. On my dime." He winks.

Elsa squeezes Anna's hand hard enough to draw her attention, and when Anna looks over she's sure the entire room can hear Elsa think 'she's _mine_ ', even over the loud music. Anna would be more concerned with what Weselton thinks of that, but she can't properly handle how attractive Elsa is when she goes from sassy kitten to stone cold bitch. It's like she deserves to be on a billboard somewhere selling couture fashion or perfumes.

Elsa's been drinking too, though, so it's probably best not to upset her. Anna's just about to turn and _respectfully_ decline Weselton, when Elsa releases her hand and smiles. "She'd love to dance."

It takes five minutes for Anna to regret the decision.

Weselton's dance moves are somewhere between embarrassing dad dancing at a cook out and ostrich having a seizure. Anna sneaks away and runs back to Elsa first chance she gets.

She taps her on the shoulder so she looks down, her heart racing. "I ran away from him. Literally ran. Well, not literally, but it was a speed walk."

Elsa looks around, a mischievous smirk on her face. "Wanna sneak out?"

"Of the party?" Anna's sure they can just leave.

"No, outside. There's a balcony over there," Elsa says, pointing with her nose like she doesn't want anyone to see. "I think it's off limits, but the view looks nice."

Anna grins at her. "Won't we get in trouble?" She looks around, in case Weselton's coming back. Whatever they do, they have to act fast. She doesn't know what it is about this situation, but it feels like there's adrenaline pumping.

"What's the worst that can happen? We already bonded."

Anna's probably drawing unnecessary attention to them, but she can't stop laughing at that. "I think the drinks are getting to me."

Elsa flicks her nose, casual as anything. "We really gotta get you out of here then, since you're so dangerous when you're drunk. Now we just have to make sure no one notices us. Especially Weselton."

"We can just take the tree with us," Anna says, putting on her best serious face.

" _Or_ we could just - " Elsa lifts her hand and taps her head. Anna looks on curiously, waiting for something spectacular to happen, but mostly she's just looking at Elsa's face. Her smile's like reaching the end of a rainbow, it's crazy.

After a few seconds, Elsa grabs her hand again. Anna's tempted to point out she'd probably be able to follow without getting lost, but touching Elsa makes her heart flutter in the best way possible. She's not entirely sure what Elsa was doing when she tapped her head, until they reach the doors to the balcony and the guards actually turn away as if they don't see them. Part of her wants to ask if Elsa should be doing that, but she might be too busy giggling like a child because she feels like she's being naughty and whatever was in that punch is definitely in full flow.

Once they're outside, Anna's breath catches; the cool air, the view of Arendelle, the pretty Christmas lights knotted through the rails, Elsa ducking her head to restyle her hair quickly, like she hopes Anna won't notice how it keeps flopping over her eyes adorably. It's just. Elsa's calm and closed off and her thoughts are neatly arranged and very carefully chosen, but when she's drunk she's playful and filled with so many lovely _emotions_ and she keeps looking over and smiling at Anna when she thinks Anna's not watching.

Like a gift from the gods, Anna spots two fancy couch-like chairs around a little table. "We can sit," she says, dragging Elsa towards the chairs.

She doesn't expect Elsa to sit in a chair and then pull her down onto her lap, but she likes where this is going.

"Want you to stay warm," Elsa says, wrapping her arms around Anna and pulling her in. Anna's not sure if that's a genuine statement or just a come-on, and both of their heads are swirling with too many things to keep track of what's what or figure it out.

"So why'd you want me at this party so bad?" Elsa asks, looking up at her, Christmas lights in her eyes.

"Um, because I really want us to work out?" Anna says, playing with the frill on Elsa's shirt. "Like, if we do normal couple stuff, then eventually we'll just be a normal couple. Also, because, well. I think liking you is easy, but I want you to like me too. I don't want you to regret our bond."

That's actually why she wanted Elsa to meet her coworkers and Tiana and Kristoff. Ever since the bond she's been generally a disappointment. She doesn't know enough about bonds and she's not high on the scale and her eating isn't right. She also thinks the wrong things or embarrassing things or things that wake Elsa during the night. But at work she does well and she fits in and knows what she's doing and she's in her element. She just wanted Elsa to see that. She wanted Elsa to see she's someone worth being bonded to.

Elsa's just sort of staring at her for a while. "That's very... " she trails off.

"It's dumb, yeah?"

"No, it's. It's backwards." Now Anna's the one just staring. Elsa keeps going like it's the hardest thing in the world to talk about her feelings. "I mean, you've always known you were going to be bonded. I can - it's something that meant a lot to you. And I was never going - I'm glad - lucky I got you." She pauses, a grin spreading across her face. "Or, I guess, lucky you tried to kill me with your bike."

Anna smiles. She actually feels quite comforted by what Elsa said, a warm feeling spreading over her body, but she doesn't comment on it. She's respectful of Elsa's deflection. "So, do you drink lots or just on special occasions?

Elsa moves her hand down and spreads her fingers over Anna's thigh. Anna leans into it instinctual. "Mostly when I'm nervous. Sometimes I - when. If I'm nervous it's sometimes harder to control my psychic abilities than it'd be if I've had a couple drinks."

Elsa's blocking isn't perfect for the first time since Anna met her, so she's getting a little bit of worry and frustration and fear leaking through. The most shocking part is how _apologetic_ Elsa feels. "There's nothing to feel sorry about," Anna assures her.

Elsa presses her lips into a flat line. "I don't want you to live afraid of setting me off."

Something clicks to Anna, then. "It's that why you let me dance with Weselton? I would've said no just because you didn't want me to. As a general principle."

"I want you to do what you want."

Anna leans down to rub her nose in Elsa's hair, but mostly succeeds in rubbing her lips on her face. She can't help feeling that she wants to make Elsa happy. "I want to make you happy."

Elsa shifts and looks up at her, confused, and actually blushes when she sees that Anna's completely serious. Like, as if feeling how serious Anna is wasn't enough. Anna just smiles because it feels like the right thing to do. "Well." Elsa takes her hand off Anna's thigh, sadly, her throat working overtime. "I think you need more time to figure out if you like me."

It's not like Anna was offering to sex her on the couch right now or pick out matching bond rings. She knows they're both drunk and Elsa's not usually this open. Hell, she even realizes Elsa's probably going to go back to the way she always is the moment she sobers up - letting Anna in enough just so she's satisfied. And Anna's content with that. It's been working so far. But, still, the rejection stings a little. Elsa's right, though. Anna needs to stop jumping into things heart first and actually use her head for once. This is just a shitty time to start since her head's the thing that's making this situation difficult to navigate logically.

She pulls up from Elsa to put some distance between them. "Yeah, still some thinking to do."

And, because Elsa is the most confusing person on the planet, she pulls Anna down and kisses her. It's a brief kiss; Anna doesn't even get the chance to close her eyes. But it _happens_ and it's soft and beautiful and if looking at Elsa feels like home, then this feels like heaven. Anna feels like she can't breathe when Elsa pulls back. "Sorry," Elsa says immediately. "Just needed to do that while you still think highly of me. I don't - didn't want to blow the opportunity."

Instead of being sappy and going on about how impossible it would be for Elsa to 'blow the opportunity', Anna leans down and kisses her back. This time she closes her eyes and presses into it enough for Elsa to open her mouth to make room for her. When they finally pull apart, Elsa's hand is back on her thigh and Anna's hand is tangled in Elsa's hair.

Anna tries to think of her excuse. "I just, uh. I really wanted to kiss you."

Elsa smiles reflexively, like it's exploding out of her. And then the guards come out and tell them they have to go back inside. Anna appreciates that Elsa made them do it, so one of them didn't have to make the tough decision of deciding to separate.

Being bonded to a super psychic isn't all bad.

x

Anna snaps awake in the middle of the night.

It's not unusual. Sometimes she falls asleep and it feels like she's falling, so she pops up. Or sometimes she just snaps awake randomly regardless of getting that feeling or whether or not it's a bad dream. But that typically happens when she naps in the middle of the day, not when she goes down for the night.

This. It doesn't feel like she popped up for no reason.

Elsa said she felt Anna having a nightmare, so that could possibly be what Anna's feeling now. Just to be sure, she looks over into Elsa's mind to check if she's okay, to feel for the warmth and comfort she normally gets from Elsa sleeping.

And - oh.

Elsa's dreaming. About Anna.

Well, she's dreaming about them. _Together_.

It's mostly coming to Anna in flashes, like it's a movie trailer - lips on skin, exploring fingers, heated skin, bite marks, hickeys - _fuck_ , this feels so wrong and invasive, but Anna can't help herself. She pushes deeper into Elsa's mind, until she can practically see the dream herself.

It's a bit of a blur, mostly feelings that are coming in.

She can see Elsa smiling into her neck, whispering something that Anna can't quite make out, and Anna's giggling and - Elsa loves the sound, more than anything else. Anna can feel it, fiercely and undoubtedly. Elsa likes being close and touching, and she's protective and possessive and... happy. It's an intense happy, makes Anna's chest fill up like she's going to burst.

It all still feels wrong, though. Still feels like Anna shouldn't be there.

It's not just seeing the sex that feels bad, because honestly everyone dreams about it, regardless if they want it in real life or not. It's the fact that Elsa dreams about them together and happy and... in _love_. And then when she's awake she pushes Anna away and blocks her and just. How? How can she do that when she wants it more than Anna does?

It doesn't make any sense.

Anna's so lost in thought, that she doesn't quite notice the change, notice when she's not alone in her thoughts anymore, notice when Elsa turns to look up at her.

The worst part is Elsa doesn't say anything, doesn't even think anything. She just blocks, shuts herself off from Anna again, and then goes back to sleep.

Anna rolls over and stares at the ceiling.

Being in love wouldn't be so bad.

Before she can think on it more, she's shaking Elsa awake. "So, we should have sex."

Elsa doesn't even consider it. "No."

"Stop blocking me." Elsa starts to shake her head, but Anna blurts, "I already know about the cold, dark place. The scary one. You don't have to hide it."

She can feel Elsa fighting back anger. Elsa's actually annoyed, like Anna's nagging her about this. Like they're not fucking bonded and actually living a life together. Like they can just sleep peacefully in the same bed every night with Anna just being content with not knowing a single thing about Elsa. Neither one of them chose this bond, so compromise is key in this, but some things Anna will not compromise. And this is one of them.

But, _jesus_ , she's too mad to voice any of that. "Whatever, nevermind. Just go back to sleep. And I know you're reading my thoughts right now, even though you won't let me read yours. It's useless to go on about how unfair that is, since you're just going to dodge the topic, so be respectful and don't bother commenting on what I think."

And then Anna makes sure she thinks really loud _this is fucking dumb you can't do this to me._

"I'm sorry," Elsa says immediately, sitting up and taking Anna's hand into hers. "I'm sorry, I. Can we just talk? No mind reading. Just talk like a non-bonded couple."

Anna shakes her hand away. "Why can't you just give in to this. I don't see what the big deal is."

Elsa looks defeated. Anna wants to fold immediately. "I told you that you need to think about this more. Make sure this - I'm what you really want."

"I can't have anyone else," Anna reminds her, resorting to searching her face to figure out what's really going on.

Elsa's not giving her anything. "Where are all these feelings coming from? You were happy."

Anna _was_ happy. Until Elsa pushed her away at the party. It didn't seem so bad in the moment, but it's been eating at her. Anna knows the basis of this relationship is their psychic difference, but she's never felt quite as powerless as she does right now. She just doesn't understand, and she hates feeling like she's just throwing herself at Elsa. Well, she doesn't hate it, but she does when Elsa isn't receptive. She hates being open and raw and all her feelings and thoughts being laid out on a table when Elsa can pick and choose every little thing that Anna gets access to.

She hates that she let Elsa take up space in every single part of her mind, only to have Elsa deny her the same.

"Why don't you want to have that with me? What you dreamed about. Is it - " A dark, horrible thought creeps up into Anna's mind. "I'm not good enough for you, am I? I'm just a dumb four that - "

Elsa actually interrupts her by gasping in shock. And then she grabs Anna's face and looks her deep in the eyes. In that moment, Anna feels it. She feels it all. The fear. So much fear that it's crippling and overwhelming and... _consuming._

Elsa doesn't want to hurt her. She doesn't want to lose her.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** I'll try not to make any promises I can't keep, but I _should_ have more writing time in the future.

* * *

So maybe Elsa's fear isn't as _consuming_ as Anna first thought it to be, but it at least feels that way coming through their bond.

If there's one thing Anna's learned over the past couple weeks of Elsa being open, it's that this whole mental thing takes a lot more stamina than she imagined it would. It feels like her mind is being stretched every day just to make more room for Elsa. They're not even exchanging anything significant, haven't even gone near Elsa's past or memories yet, but by the end of each day Anna's more than ready to collapse on the nearest soft surface and just turn everything off.

The first few days were exciting, she could hear Elsa's dumb thoughts just as much as Elsa could hear hers, and she'd know when she was upset, and for the most part _why_ she was upset. But the first few days Elsa was just testing the water, must have been, because after that it's like everything intensified. Anna's actually found herself briefly entertaining the idea of going back to how things were before.

It's just that keeping up with Elsa is almost as draining as it is rewarding. Everything she feels takes three times as much energy for Anna to feel. When she's angry, Anna can't feel anything else. When she's sad, Anna can't get herself to focus until she fixes the problem. She thinks so _intensely,_ which is probably just normal for her, but it's a lot to handle for Anna. When Elsa's not filtering, all her thoughts and feelings come in full speed like a slap to the face, and more than once Anna's found herself bracing against a wall just to keep from being thrown off balance.

And normally she wouldn't complain about it - because it's progress, and she's not exactly fizzing out, just being generally exhausted and pushed and overwhelmed, and she can deal with that - but the past couple days have been particularly awful. To the point where she has to take the pills for tension headaches multiple times a day. To the point where she's losing her interest in going to work, because her body feels like it's shutting down. To the point where she can't hide how she feels anymore, and that leads to Elsa silently staring at her from the kitchen as she shifts from shoving her face in the couch pillow to staring at the living room ceiling.

"I could bring dinner to the couch for you," Elsa offers, "If you're tired I'd rather you didn't move."

"That sounds fantastic," Anna says, "I don't think I could move even if I wanted to." She's so tired she can feel it weighing down her bones, like they've been laced with lead.

Elsa huffs loudly. "You know," she starts, "I could block you off if you want me to. You don't have to go around being exhausted all the time."

"It's fine," Anna says, "just getting used to it, is all. You're kind of intense."

"Only kind of?"

"You could be more intense, I suppose." Anna runs her hand through her hair. It feels like it needs a wash, but she's not moving anytime soon. "With all the build up, I thought you had a lot more in you."

Elsa laughs, then she mumbles, "Fuck," to herself, and Anna can feel she cut her finger without even seeing it. And, really, that's the last thing she needs.

Anna squeezes her eyes shut preparing for the flood of feelings that accompany Elsa getting hurt, shifting her weight to roll over on the couch again. Pain is generally the worst feeling to get coming through the bond, so she'd rather have her face in the pillow for this one. She gets more of a peculiar feeling though, a tug at the back of her mind. All the sound in the room floats away and it feels like she's weightless, like she's floating in an endless sea of water.

By the time she realizes she's fizzing out, she's already leaned over the couch heaving up everything that's in her body.

So much for making progress.

x

Anna chews on the bendy straw sticking from her gatorade and watches as Tiana switches between three different pairs of glasses. She's admiring herself in the front camera on her cell phone, but she tosses that aside after a few minutes and stares at Anna. "Orange, blue, or black?" she asks. Anna shrugs. Tiana takes off the pair she's trying on. "Okay, really, what's going on?"

Anna shrugs again. "Nothing."

"You've been drinking Gatorade like it's water, avoiding busy areas, and watching me try on glasses like you're catatonic. Something's wrong."

Anna wrinkles her nose; she never considered the idea that maybe she's catatonic - whatever that means - but she does know that she's not quite sure where most of her brain cells are hiding today. "Nothing's wrong, I just like spending time in your office."

"You're wearing three bond-blocking bracelets," Tiana points out.

Christ, she's observant. Anna caves; it's not like she's opposed to talking about it. "I told Elsa she should open up, but it kind of - " She sucks some Gatorade through her straw, then blows it back down and listens to it bubble in the bottle. "It kind of all went to shit last night."

Tiana looks as if she's going to comment, but thinks better of it. Instead she just sucks in a breath, and looks Anna over like a concerned mother for a really long stretch of time. Anna supposes that's fitting. There's not much to say about a fucked bond. "D'you fight or something?" Tiana finally settles on.

"Or something."

Tiana huffs and leans forward in her chair very business like. "Look, you're gonna talk about it, or I'm gonna have to make you go back out there and finish your work." Anna doesn't even get the chance to frown before Tiana drops her head and deflates. "Okay, I won't make you do that, but you gotta tell me _something_."

Instead of responding, Anna inspects her nails. There's one with an awkward cut at the tip, so she lifts it to her mouth to use her teeth as a nail file. She's vaguely aware that Tiana starts talking again, but it's so easy for her to slip away. Easier than normal, that is. Her brain feels like literal mush, and between the headaches and the nausea and the unpleasant tug on her bond from all the bracelets - it's just easier not to listen in. She doesn't need more to be concerned with, and she's decided that she'd genuinely prefer not talking right now.

"Are you even Anna - are you listening to me?"

Anna casts a brief glance up at her boss and moves her finger back and forth on her teeth. "Yesh, T, I 'ear 'oo," she slurs with her finger in her mouth. She slips it out for a moment. "Honestly."

Tiana sighs and drops her hand down on a stack of papers, afterwards tapping her fingers and keeping a steady gaze on Anna. Anna isn't going to backtrack and remind Tiana that she doesn't actually _have_ to tell her anything about her personal life. Because it's personal.

She wants so much to say 'it's not so bad', but it's actually terrible. Last night Anna could _feel_ her brain, like, short circuiting or whatever. And then she threw-up three times before Elsa had to completely shut her out, and two more times before they realized it was best if Elsa just left the house completely. Even then, Anna spent the night sleeping in twenty-minute bouts before snapping awake dizzy, with her head swirling. First thing she did in the morning was buy almost a shelf of gatorade and as many blocking bracelets that she could afford - and _that_ was just so she could at least feel like her head was a little bit above water the rest of the day.

She never wants to experience what it's like having nothing to throw up ever again. She didn't know her chest could hurt that much from just the pressure of her body squeezing out what's not there.

So yeah, things could be going better.

Tiana snaps her fingers in front of Anna's face a few times and Anna grumbles.

"That's it. You're going home."

That sounds like a terrible idea, if Anna's ever heard one. "I don't wanna go home, it smells like her." Tiana manages to frown with her whole face, and Anna decides it's probably more productive to seem useful than whiny. "The black ones look good on you. They all do, but black is like, more professional. 'm gonna get back to work, alright." She stands, just as her world comes crashing down. Quite literally, she ends up on the floor.

In a matter of seconds, Tiana's standing over her. "You need to go home. I mean it."

"Just let me sleep on the floor," Anna says, trying her best to cuddle the carpet. Her hand lands in something wet, and she realizes she's dropped her Gatorade. The fact that Tiana hasn't mentioned it means she's already showing considerable restraint. Anna can't even offer to get the stain out, because her head tips to the side whenever she tries to lift it. "Okay. So I should go home."

Tiana sighs, obviously relieved. "I'll call an Uber. Try not to throw up in the car."

Anna does, of course, throw up in the car. Twice.

x

Anna's apartment looks like a scene from _The Others_ or what most would deem a murder house. She bought blackout curtains and insulation and turned the heat to 80 and shut all the lights off. She also ordered unscented everything and extra pillows and got it all on one day shipping from Amazon. She had to leave a note on the door for the delivery guy not to ring or knock, just leave the packages. Kristoff pitched in and bought her two more blocking bracelets and after three days on paid leave (because, "Anna don't come back until you can sit up straight for more than twenty minutes") she's starting to feel a little bit normal. As long as she stays in her fortress of solitude under two blankets and five pillows, only eating unflavored oatmeal.

It's certainly not the life she imagined for herself in her early twenties, but it's starting to feel a lot like things don't get much better than this.

After four days she can stand all by herself long enough to take a ten minute shower and it no longer completely overwhelms her if she puts diced fruit in her oatmeal. It's not even gradual progress; the day before she couldn't do that, and now she can. She's not sure if she's getting better or if Elsa's getting better and she's feeling it, or if it's just the bond-blocking bracelets doing their job, but it's a start.

She's even confident enough to take the elevator down to the car garage and get the file folder she left in there for the story she's been working on. So far she's avoided the garage because a cold, lonely concrete box isn't where she wants to meet her death, but by the end of her fourth day in solitude she's confident enough in her walking abilities.

When she stops to think about it - and she doesn't like stopping to think about it because none of this makes sense and all of this makes her head hurt - she's not sure what went wrong, why there's so many after effects, why Elsa hasn't come back, why her world is ending when she never asked for any of this. When she stops to think about it none of this seems fair, and that's seriously dampening her generally positive world view. When she stops to think about it she realizes she might know more if she took the bracelets off; Elsa might feel like she's welcome back. When she stops to think about it she realizes she's absolutely terrified of the idea of taking the bracelets off because who knows what would happen.

So not thinking about it is better. Focusing on work is better. Because when she stops to think about this whole situation she mostly just wants to cry.

Anyway, her work folder is in the car, and she can walk now. So there's only a few steps and an elevator between her and the best distraction she can have. She gets to write about vegetable gardens and mountains and cute animals and scary (but cute) animals. And even though she's been too sick to take pictures, Kristoff assured her over text that he took some really good ones and uploaded them to their dropbox. She has a lot to look forward to that's not this shitty head thing, and more importantly, not this shitty _Elsa_ thing.

The walk to the elevator goes smooth enough. The lights in the hallway are dim, which is nice, and the elevator goes slow, which is also nice. Her head does a bob thing, though, once she steps off the elevator, which she knows is the first sign that she's going to collapse in the near future. She should have let herself rest, since she's been testing out her walking all day. She never really thinks anything through, but the thought of collapsing in the middle of the garage is terrifying, so between her swirling head and the adrenaline rush she's having, she gets the idea of jogging the rest of the distance to her car. It's at least safe to collapse in there.

"Alright then," she mutters to herself, starting her jog towards the car, only stopping when she's standing in front of it and fumbling with her keys because her hands won't stop shaking. Once the locks pop, she shuffles into the back seat, presses her forehead against the cold leather, and switches between repeating, " _fuckfuckfuck_ ," and, " _whypleasewhy?_."

She doesn't move until she's sure the wave of nausea has passed and that she's got a large enough window to get back to her apartment. She doesn't even bother looking for the folder, just backs out of the car and then leans with her hands pressed against it and her head down once she's standing. It takes a moment for the head rush to pass, and then another moment for Anna to get the strength to shut the door.

It only takes a split second for her to realize she didn't move her other hand before she slammed the door shut.

The door smashes Anna's right hand, and she crumples to the ground in pain. She's not sure who screams louder: her, the pain in her head, or the echo that bounces off every wall of the garage.

The pain is overwhelming, a throbbing, crushing agony stemming from her right hand and reverberating through the rest of her body. She can't seem to focus on anything, just cradles her hand to her chest and hopes that it's over soon. But as time drags on the pain only gets worse, to the point where she's forcing her eyes shut so hard that she's seeing stars on the backs of her eyelids.

After what feels like forever, Anna uses what strength she has left to yank off every bond-blocking bracelet she's wearing, pulling them right over the hand she slammed in the door. It's a long shot, and it only manages to amplify the already searing pain she's feeling in her hand, but she has to try something.

Anna's not sure how long she's out, but the next thing she registers is someone wrapping delicate fingers around her right wrist and pulling it away from her chest. Anna cries out as her palm spasms, but the person doesn't give her much time to focus on that. They turn Anna from her side, onto her back, and holds her hand above her as they twist her arm in the air.

"Christ, you're such an idiot," they say, and Anna realizes only now that it's Elsa. Opening her eyes half way confirms this thought, right before Elsa puts pressure on her hand and it stings so badly that tears well up in Anna's eyes. Anna tries to yank her arm away, but Elsa persists, only holding on tighter. "Stop, I'm trying to see if it's broken. You should have been in the hospital days ago. How'd you let your head get this bad. Jesus, I told you we should take it slow, but no you never listen. And then you guilt trip me because you let me in and I don't or what-fucking-ever. And now you do _this_. Are you trying to give me a heart attack, what the hell."

Anna can only whimper in response, unable to get her voice to work. She regrets it now, regrets everything, sure as fuck.

She rolls her head and flutters her eyes open, getting a good look at her hand. It's red and swollen slightly, but most importantly it looks _disfigured_. It's mostly just her thumb and fore finger that look impacted and they're maybe definitely broken because she's trying to move them, but nothing is happening. Then again, she's having a hard time remembering her own name. But Elsa's there now, and as angry as she is, she's comforting. So there's that.

x

When Anna wakes the room is spinning, and it's not just her head this time. The room is actually spinning. She's also vaguely aware that she's naked and there's something covering her head - maybe a helmet or a hat - and that she doesn't feel like complete shit anymore. That doesn't mean she's not afraid, because she has no idea where she is or why she's here.

 _You're getting your head tested_ , she hears someone say, or rather she hears Elsa think.

Anna snaps a bit more awake, since Elsa talking to her means this might not be some weird, elaborate dream. She tries to clear her mind as best as possible and thinks back, _Tested for what?_

 _We're - they're not quite sure what's wrong. It's not me this time. If it was me the nausea would have stopped the moment i blocked you, and definitely after you put on the bracelets._

Anna takes a moment to think that over, not that she outright blamed Elsa, but she assumed it at least had something to do directly with her.

 _Does this mean I'm going to die then?_

 _No. Not at all._ Elsa's silent for a moment, then, _I hope not._

That's reassuring. _Do they have any theories?_

 _If they do, they're not telling me. The doctors are all acting like it's serious, wont give me any answers until they're completely sure what's going on. I'm not necessarily popular with them, considering our psychic difference. No one's said it out loud, but they all think I shouldn't have let this happen._

 _It's not your fault,_ Anna thinks immediately. _You should tell them that, tell them I hit you with my bike. Don't let them blame you._

 _It's alright, you just focus on getting better, okay? I need you._

 _You don't need me_ , Anna thinks, before she can stop herself. _I mean, you'd do just fine without me._

 _That's bullshit, stop thinking that._

 _Are you still angry at me?_

Elsa's silent for a really long time. Anna almost thinks she's fallen back to sleep, but then she hears, _I wasn't angry at you_. Which is a lie. _I'm not lying. Well, okay. Yeah I was angry but it was more afraid and upset and afraid._

 _You said afraid twice._

 _Yeah,_ Elsa thinks _, I was really afraid. I could barely hear or feel you for days and then all at once you were in so much pain._

Anna doesn't quite respond after that; she just pauses to consider how that must have felt for Elsa. She feels terrible for brief moment, before she's asleep again.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: it's been a while :p

* * *

Anna wakes up slowly, but not as pleasantly as she would like.

Her head's no longer caving in on itself, but the pain has lessened into a persistent dull ache. There's a bitterness in the back of her throat, but she supposes her mouth no longer tastes like vomit or feels raw from overusing mouthwash.

Carefully, she opens her eyes, and tries not to have a heart attack because there's apparently someone sitting across from her.

"It's alright, Anna," the woman says, "try to focus in on your surroundings. I need you to fully wake up."

Anna carefully lets her head roll to the side and tries to get a good look at the room. Everything feels far away and blurry, but she persists and eventually things start to get a lot clearer. She's in a wheelchair and her hand has a cast on it. The room looks like some sort of therapist's office, and the woman in front of her is a blonde with a name tag that says _Honey._ Anna's pretty sure she's awake now, but she isn't quite sure what's what anymore, so she could be wrong.

"Anna," the woman says again, "I'm Honey. I know this may seem like a lot right now, but I have to ask you a few questions. Is that okay?" Anna nods, and Honey shakes her head. "Could you try speaking for me?"

Oh. Anna clears her throat, instinctively. "Uh —" she croaks, "that's fine."

Honey looks down and writes something on her notepad. "What's the last thing you remember, Anna?" she asks without looking up.

Anna still remembers everything, she thinks. She had to separate from Elsa because her brain was turning to mush, and then she slammed her hand in the car door and Elsa came back. She even remembers talking with Elsa while she was in the spinning room and the helmet thing she had on her head. She supposes that's the _last_ thing.

"I remember being in this spinning room. I, um, I think I had a helmet on. It was dark and I could hear Elsa. But I think I passed out after that."

Honey frowns. _She wasn't even conscious for any of the testing._

"Yeah, I think I just woke up for a minute, then passed out again. Wasn't long."

Honey blinks somewhat in surprise. "Uh, um. If possible could you try to respond only to the things I say, and not the things I think? It might be hard, but you can't always trust thoughts, so it's a bad habit to get into."

Anna just stares blankly at her for a really long minute because she's not entirely sure what Honey is talking about. She _is_ only responding to the things she's saying, and Anna's not even capable of listening to thoughts. That's like a minimum five or six and above thing.

This whole thing feels a bit weird now that she thinks about it. She's not in a hospital room, she's wearing sweats instead of hospital clothes, and has no idea where Elsa is. She's also not wearing any blocking bracelets but she isn't feeling any tugging or disruption or uncomfortable feelings associated with her bond — she's honestly not feeling _anything_. Her head is silent; feels like it did before she ever got into a bond, like she's not even bonded anymore, or worse —

"You're projecting your thoughts," Honey says, staring calmly at Anna. "Elsa's fine, and we're in a research facility that specializes in psychic abilities. This is a special room that can block out most psychic energy. We were — I was afraid the outside world and Elsa would be too much to handle so soon, especially with you two having such an imbalanced bond."

"I don't know what..." Anna feels almost dizzy, nauseous even. She's trying to formulate a thought or a sentence and it's all getting muffled inside her head. "I just. I can't."

She's starting to feel what she can only describe as frustration, but it's so much more than that. It's intense, feels like she's heating up and the hairs on her neck are standing. She can feel it welling inside of her like nothing she's ever felt before; can feel it with every part of her body. She's typically a calm person, but now she just feels unstable, and it's all complicated by the fact that she's so confused, she doesn't even know where to start asking questions.

She must have projected that as well because Honey takes in a long breath and sets her notepad on the table next to her chair.

"Emotions are always the most unstable in situations like this... or at least that's what we hypothesize. It's not like it's ever happened before. And, well, by _situation like this_ I mean," Honey continues, before Anna gets the chance to become even more irritated, "uh, not sure how to explain it properly. Best way I guess is... You've made a bit of a psychic leap."

Anna squeezes her eyes shut and presses the palm of her hand against her forehead, as if she can physically push the frustration back. The feeling just keeps getting stronger anyway. It must be the bond. Elsa not holding back must have wreaked havoc on Anna's brain and now she can't even get a grip on her own emotions during a simple conversation. She's been awake all of five minutes and she feels like she's going to explode. "Can you explain _leap_?" she manages to ask. "Can you be as clear as possible? Please."

"Well, going back a bit, during World War II scientists got the go ahead to basically break every ethical rule imaginable," Honey says, and Anna has to bite down on her lip, because the more confused she gets, the more agitation she feels curling inside of her. "The goal was to create super soldiers, figure out how to mass produce high-level super psychics, turn fives into tens and so on. A lot of people died, just for scientists to figure out that increasing psychic ability leads to internal bleeding, muscle atrophy, heart attacks, strokes, seizures, you name it — and eventually, death. No human has ever survived having their psychic ability tampered with... until you."

The frustration inside Anna stops intensifying long enough for her to feel just how monumental that is, but also lets her think about what it all means. It's sort of coming together now. She made a psychic _leap_. She can _hear thoughts_. Which means she's not a four anymore, has to be at least a six or higher, and that would be awesome news except for the fact that everyone who's tried before her is dead due to seizures and internal bleeding — jesus fucking christ, she's the literal walking dead.

"No, you're _stable_ ," Honey comforts. "These subjects weren't dying years later, more like days. You've been in here nearly two weeks under constant supervision, and if anything you're healing at an unheard of rate. When you first got here you were moments from death — bruises were sprouting all over your body and your heart rate was off the charts — and then it just, stopped."

"I just..." And now the frustration is back. "That all sounds cool and shit — er stuff," she fumbles out, "but I um. I need to see Elsa if that's fine. She's my bondmate. I need to see her."

It's weird, the frustration, feels like she's feeling one of Elsa's emotions and not one of her own — which is probably a result of the leap, but for the life of her she can't figure out how to control it or make it go away.

Honey nods as if she understands, but then instead she says, "I just have to go through a few more things with you. We're trying to be as careful as possible, it's — we've never seen anything like this before and — "

"Please," Anna shouts, startling even herself, and then her leg beeps and Honey reaches over to grab her notepad again. "I just want to see Elsa."

 _Low tolerance, highly unstable_ , Honey thinks as she writes insanely fast.

"I'm not unstable," Anna says; which she knows is a lie since her ears are ringing and she feels like she's completely lost control. "I just want to see Elsa."

Her leg beeps a second time and she feels a stinging sensation in her ankle, and then in a matter of seconds it's gone — all the heat and frustration and her ringing ears dissipate and Anna feels her body relax even though she wasn't aware she'd tensed it so much.

"Is that better?" Honey asks, as if nothing just happened.

Anna just blinks. And then she blinks again, focusing all of her energy on her breathing. In and out, in and out, until she's ready to talk about what the hell just happened and why Honey isn't surprised and why she's being labeled as unstable. And what the hell is going on.

"Can we, from the beginning, then?" she says after a couple minutes of recuperation.

Honey blinks at her for a moment, like she's going over some mental checklist. "Sure," she says, "To get to the point, you came to us dying, and then suddenly you weren't. We ran scans that initially placed your psychic ability somewhere around a five, which Elsa said was weird because you told her you were a four. We were a little curious so we kept monitoring you over the next couple of days — in the spinning room — and you managed to climb to about a 7.12 before you stabilized. We pulled all of your old records and your initial testing did, in fact, put you at a 3.84. You're an anomaly."

This is all a lot easier to process when Anna's not mentally Hulking out. "So, before, you were saying all the research says that increasing psychic ability leads to death? How do you know I'm not dying?"

"Because you're doing the opposite of what research found," Honey says. "When you came in you looked like a text book case. Bruising from internal bleeding and your heart was kicking out, and then you just stabilized. I can't — there's no other way to describe it honestly. We thought you were going to die and you didn't. We have some theories — "

"Like what?" Anna interrupts. "What's the theory?"

"Whatever caused this — it has to do with Elsa. This isn't the first time a super psychic has bonded to someone like you. Trust me, it never ends this way."

"Why don't you just talk to Elsa about that then?"

A laugh practically jumps out of Honey. "I don't know if you've ever tried talking to her, but she's a brick wall. I can tell you, however, that we had to remove her during your psychic testing because she was disrupting the machine. She's something we've never seen before and I think she knows it." Anna opens her mouth to respond to that, but Honey waves it away. "Anyway, sorry about being so cryptic right off the bat, but I needed to get a feel for your distress tolerance. And, well, it's not good."

Anna shrugs, feels like that should be expected considering everything else. "So, what next?"

"Honestly, we're not sure, but a few more tests wouldn't hurt."

xx

Anna has to go through a battery of different tests and agree to continue wearing a psychic ability monitoring bracelet (which injects her when she reaches too dangerous of a level, Honey explained), but after what seems like forever she's finally, _finally_ allowed to see Elsa.

The second she sets eyes on her, she can't breathe. It's been forever since she's been able to just take her all in, and now she's standing in the middle of the hallway like a ray of sunshine. Elsa's blocking and it's perfect, and Anna's definitely not planning on asking her to open up again anytime soon.

"Barely made it out of there," Elsa says, walking over to her and ruffling her hair. Anna leans into the contact; it feels amazing on her mind. Elsa's being playful, but she can tell how worried she still is, even through her blocking. "Had us worried there for a moment."

"I'm pretty reckless, but I usually come out okay."

Elsa smiles, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Let's just be extra careful for a bit, yeah?"

"It's not your fault," Anna says, leaning into Elsa's hand. "I know you think so, and maybe everyone here thinks so, but I _know_. It's not."

"That's fine," Elsa says, grabbing Anna's chair, and it all seems a bit forced. Anna's not typically the most perceptive, but she knows something is _off_. Her feelings are only confirmed when Elsa rolls her into a private room and sits across from her looking forlorn. "We need to talk, Anna."

Anna swallows. "You're not breaking up with me are you?"

"I can't," Elsa says laughing, genuinely. "We need to talk about the very near future. Your very near future."

"Honey promised me I'm not dying," she starts, but Elsa only shakes her head.

"It's not that. I mean, there are going to be a lot of people asking you a lot of questions and trying to run a lot of tests. I want to do what we have to do to keep you alive, but nothing more than that. We clear?"

Honestly, Anna's not seeing the forest through the trees, or whatever the hell Elsa is trying to get at. They bonded accidentally and it's not turning out the best, but it's not like they've done anything illegal. There's nothing to worry about.

"I don't know. I'm not sure what you mean. We haven't done anything wrong."

Elsa pinches the bridge of her nose, which is what she does when she's trying to conceal something, but Anna knows better than to dig into that.

"You don't have to be afraid of me hurting you, okay? So stop thinking like that. And I — you're the biggest scientific breakthrough maybe since the discovery of fire. I'm not letting you turn into a lab rat or start World War III, okay?"

Anna puts her face in her hands and massages her forehead because she can feel the frustration bubbling up again because she's confused. The last thing she wants to do is lose it in front of Elsa. She can't hear her thoughts right now, but if she's figured out anything about her by this point it's that she likes to blame herself for everything bad that happens. But, fuck if holding back the frustration isn't the hardest thing she's ever had to do.

"I don't get why I'd be starting World War III. This could be good for science, and like..." Anna winces as her head starts to pound. There's no stopping it; it's like once it starts up it doesn't die down.

Elsa places her hand on Anna's thigh and squeezes gently, and Anna inhales sharply because the contact is so intense. It's not even skin-on-skin, through Anna's sweatpants, but it's still just short of overwhelming.

"It's alright," Elsa says soothingly, "you have to breathe through it. Emotions come through differently now. Most people at a six or above get extensive training in controlling this, and this is just day one for you. Just ride it out, let yourself feel it."

"It's too much," Anna grunts into her hands, eyes squeezed shut and toes digging into the feet of her chair. She can't just let go and see what happens, not after Honey told her just how precarious a position she's in with her life right now. "I can't. It's gonna rip me apart."

"It's not, it just feels that way because you're fighting it." Elsa moves her chair closer and rests both her hands on Anna's thighs. "If you keep fighting it, you lose control. You start projecting, and — trust me, Anna. I've had to deal with this my whole life, and I've done it the wrong way more than a few times. You're used to your normal emotions, but you don't know how to feel _this_."

There's a wave of heat that rolls through Anna and she presses harder into her hands, muscles tensing and breathing becoming more harsh. This one feels worse than the one in Honey's office for some reason, and she doesn't know if it's her or Elsa, or — " _Breathe_ ," Elsa repeats, "let yourself feel it. It's going to be okay."

But Anna's only reaction is to bite down hard on her lip and tense up even more. Her lip is still sore from last time, so this is already taking a toll on her and it's just day one. After a few more seconds of this, she finally reaches her tipping point and just lets go, like Elsa's instructing and —

It's like nothing she's ever felt before, and this time in a good way.

She feels like a dragon, like she's going to breathe fire at any moment and roast Elsa alive, but she doesn't. Instead her fingers start to tingle and then the feeling spreads evenly over her whole body and in the end she just feels warm. She's still frustrated, but she's not exploding anymore.

It's all a big rush, like her ability is being amplified. She feels _powerful_. She _is_ powerful. She's very powerful. And that means she's dangerous.

Maybe Elsa's wrong. Maybe she should be kept in the lab.

"You can't, Anna," Elsa says, like she's pleading. "The world isn't ready to know how to do something like this. There's nothing good that can come from it."

"It's not me," Anna says, remembering what Honey said in her office. "It's you. Honey said whatever caused this has to do with you. I was going to ask her what she meant, but then she changed the subject. She said you're something they've never seen before."

"She's too smart for her own good," Elsa says, like it wasn't meant for Anna hear, even though she said it out loud. "That's why we can't stay here."

"She seemed like a good person," Anna explains.

But Elsa just closes her eyes and shakes her head. "She's a scientist, and they only care about one thing. It doesn't matter how many lives they ruin in the process."

Anna opens her mouth, but then she shuts it right away. There's so many questions she wants to ask, but she's, well, she's afraid more than anything else. She already got in over her head once, and now she's in this predicament. It's probably best that she sticks to knowing as little as possible.

"Alright, Els. I'll do whatever you say."

xx

Telling the editor of a magazine about all the scandalous shit that just went down in her life maybe isn't the smartest thing to do, but Anna almost died and Tiana's one of her closest friends.

"Anyway, I'm like a seven now, but Elsa says we're supposed to keep it on the DL."

"That's the craziest thing I've ever heard," is Tiana's initial response, and then she looks around the restaurant three times and scoots in closer like the government is secretly watching. "So what's going to happen?"

"I have to go in twice a week for testing, and Elsa just stands there like a Hawk. They can't so much as take a blood sample without having to account for every drop in explaining which tests they ran."

"Seems like she's on top of it then," Tiana says, relaxing a little. "Are you worried?"

"That I might start World War III?" Anna asks, and then she drops her fork in her salad as both her and Tiana laugh. "It wasn't what I got voted most likely to do in high school, but Elsa seems concerned about it. She's a bit of a professional worrier, though."

"Could never hurt to be too careful."

"I've been doing some thinking myself," Anna says, tapping her forehead. "And I've been thinking if Elsa's the key to it all, that we've got nothing to worry about. Most they can find is that it's something to do with Elsa, and then what? It's not like they can force her to do anything."

Tiana seems to agree with that, Anna thinks. "I suppose. How's your hand doing?"

"It's not that bad anymore," Anna says, because it's not. It's just a low throb at the moment, that only really twinges with pain when Anna puts pressure on it. "Can't believe I slammed it in the door, but I'm also glad I did. Probably would have passed violently in my sleep, otherwise."

Tiana doesn't even pretend to find that amusing. "I'm really glad you're okay, Anna. And I'm here if you need me, for anything."

Anna just nods, because she _knows_. But part of her hopes she never needs her. Part of her hopes this whole thing just blows over and everyone forgets about it, but she knows that's not going to happen.

Despite her jokes, she has a bad feeling about this, and unfortunately her feelings haven't been wrong lately.


End file.
